Zombie Mechanics

Archive for the ‘Monsters’ Category

Extreme Pumpkin Carving

Since it’s closing in on Halloween, one of my all time favorite holidays, I’d thought I’d put together some pumpkin carving links and pics for everyone. I love carving pumpkins. My artistic talent is minimal but my imagination is boundless so I’ve tried a lot of different styles and methods over the years. However, nothing I’ve come up with has come close to some of these true artists creations.

Enjoy!

ExtremePumpkins.com 2011

 

MasterpiecePumpkins.com

 

ZombiePumpkins.com

PumpkinGutter.com

Stoneykins.com

And of course no collection is complete without the appropriate Flickr group:  Pumpkins

Spike TV Deadliest Warrior’s Vampires vs Zombies: Aftermath

So I blogged last time about this show and my prediction for what this fight would really look like. After watching the show on Spike TV, I was pleasantly surprised. They kept it fun and cool and didn’t get too uptight about that fact that we’re talking about purely hypothetical creatures here. They have some pretty awesome clips available as well…see below.

If they decide to keep going with the series and pit the Loch Ness Monster vs Bigfoot, then I’ll complain. [Sasquatch would totally take that biatch]

First up…who helped them set the standards?

Zombie corner:
Max Brooks (World War Z)
Matt Mogk (founder of the Zombie Research Society) @mattmogk

Vampire corner:
Steve Niles (30 Days of Night) @steveniles
Scott Bowen (Vampire Survival Guide)

Ok…everything after this is SPOILER. STOP READING if you haven’t watched the show!

Enjoy a clip while you scroll…

Still here? Then let’s find out who won…

First up, the mea culpa from me. I’ve never seen 30 Days of Night or read the source material so I was a little surprised by what they came up with. I appreciate that they made the vamps bad ass apex predators. Needless to say, the movie and comic are now on my to-do list.

Second, let me say that I thought Max and Matt were fantastic advocates for our beloved zombies. Excellent work guys. Make sure you go buy Matt’s new book and follow the Zombie Research Society on Twitter. @zombieresearch

The other piece that I didn’t get right in my original article is the dead/undead nature of the Vampires. In the Niles/Bowen model the vampires have a functioning circulatory system with live blood. This would make the vampires a legitimate target for zombie attacks. The ER Doc on the show also kept stating over and over that it was *possible* for the vampires to contract the zombie virus. If this is true, then the whole battle is moot because they had the vamps biting zombie brains. You couldn’t get infected any quicker unless you had intravenous zombie blood transfusion.

My initial estimate on the required ratio of Vampires to Zombies was either 50:1 or 100:1. After the board breaking expert set the ratio, I was quite pleased with the 63:1 ratio. That seems more than fair. I also loved that zombies are the only warrior EVER to get a perfect 100 in Endurance.

The simulation was fun and I would have killed to be one of those zombie actors. It looked like a good time. 3 vampires in a abandoned factory taking on 180 zombies. The outcome was close but the winner: Vampires.

Honestly, I agree with the outcome but the premise is flawed. The flaw is in the very nature of the show. Deadliest Warrior. Zombies aren’t warriors, they don’t go to “war”. They don’t fight for ideology or land or gold or even glory. They consume to replicate, to spread, to reproduce. It’s the philosophical equivalent of pitting the Orkin man against locusts.

Regardless of how many battles Vampires win one on one or one on a hundred versus Zombies, ultimately the war is lost. Zombies will consume all of the Vampires’ natural food supply and starve them out in the end. Hey! Kinda like locusts. Imagine that.

Make sure if you’re watching the show to stay all the way to the very end…that one I won’t spoil.

Zombies versus Vampires

Yeah, you read that right chump…battle royale featuring Zombies versus Vampires.

Here’s the scoop.  This week, Deadliest Warrior on Spike TV is doing a supernatural throwdown featuring my favorite ZOMBIES!  They are going to pit the horror show of the walking dead vs. glittery blood sucking metrosexuals and see who comes out victorious.

I’m not going to spoil it. Go watch the preview and the show when it airs and make up your own mind.  For me, why I’ll do my own toe to toe line up RIGHT HERE!

 

In the BLUE corner:  ZOMBIES

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pick your canon carefully, it could be the difference between life and death fang-face.  For entertainment purposes, we’ll assume Romero zombies.  Why?  Because I like them better, that’s why.

WEAKNESSES:

Slow, low dexterity/agility, not too bright, inability to use weapons, tools or even doorknobs for that matter.

STRENGTHS:

Ability to swarm in numbers, feels no pain, can function with massive bodily damage, doesn’t sleep or fatigue.  They can’t be bargained with. They can’t be reasoned with. They don’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And they absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead. Wait…that sounds familiar.  Is that from a movie? No.  Couldn’t be.

 

And in the RED corner:  VAMPIRES

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The canon on vampires is almost as wide as zombies, but we have to pick something.  We’re not doing freakin’ glittery vampires. You can stow that noise right now.  We’ll stick with mostly traditional vampires ala Blade/Le stat/Lost Boys.

WEAKNESSES:

Must feed on blood regularly, affected by garlic, silver, holy water/symbols (meh, sometimes), can’t go out in the sunlight, less than desirable personalities.

STRENGTHS:

Super human strength, super human speed, super human agility, healing factor, immune to disease, can’t be killed by traditional weapons (bullets, swords, cholesterol, etc.)

 

ARENA:  To give each corner a fighting chance to use their strengths, we’ll pit 1000 zombies vs 1 vampire in a large closed arena immediately after sundown. Each team has 24 hours of prep time to study tactics and prepare for battle. Battle lasts until sunrise, winner takes all.

 

WINNER:  NO ONE

That’s right.  You heard me.  It would be a draw.  Vampires can’t feed on zombies because they have no live blood and therefore they are not a food source.  Zombies would ignore vampires because they are already dead and can’t be infected and/or turned.  The most likely scenario is that they would ignore each other as fellow members of the undead.  Why would a vampire bother getting dirty dispatching 1000 walking putrid sacks of goo when he/she can have a seat in a comfortable chair and wait for the match to be over?

However…

Vampires are not well known for their easy going natures and ability to let things slide.  So if forced into an arena with 1000 hungry zombies, there’s a good chance your average vamp would wipe out the zombies just for sport.  And despite what the Deadliest Warriors clip shows, Vamps are perfectly capable of using swords, machetes, pistols, shotguns, pointy sticks, harsh language, etc.  There would be no real reason for a vampire to get up close and personal unless it was purely for giggles.  But giggles are nice even for blood sucking freaks.  So…since they can’t be infected, Vampires are free for more involved close combat, without that mortal fear of being bitten or scratched by a zombie.

Disagree with me?  Too bad, I’m right.

Don’t forget to tune in to Spike TV on Sept. 14th to see the results!

Post your guess of the “experts” in the comments section.

 

It’s a little dated but still and interesting article on art preservation during emergencies.  You can read for yourself here.

 

Basically, someone has the very cool (and very stressful) job of deciding what art in the National Gallery gets to survive in the event of catastrophe.  I’m a big fan of art and the idea that a real apocalypse would wipe out a great deal of art is saddening.  Like the destruction of the Library of Alexandria, every great period of chaos sees famous works burned, ruined, lost, stolen or simply wiped off the face of the planet.

 

 

Two things.  One, a zombie apocalypse should not be a direct threat to art of any kind (except the living kind – sorry, Lady Gaga).  Zombies don’t give a crap about paintings or sculptures.  You could open the doors to every museum in the world and the zombies wouldn’t make a bump in your insurance claim.  OK, maybe a few blood splatters here and there, but canvas is cleanable by experts.  No big loss.  Two, I want to see this safe box they keep the art in.  That’s some tech that’s interesting and exploitable.  Now maybe it’s just a big square box of reinforced steel, but something tells me it’s more sophisticated than that.

 

If you had a safe box guaranteed to survive the apocalypse, what would you put in it?

And you can’t say yourself.  Or your kids.  Or any feel-good fluff answer.  The future of the human race depends on your choices…what’s it going to be?

 

For me…I would have to ditch the art – sorry Picasso – and stick with text books, tools and “starting over” material.  Losing thousands of years of accumulated technology and science would be the most damning part of the apocalypse.  I’d have to try and rebuild that knowledge base as quickly as possible.  Just my personal priorities though…

 

EDITORS NOTE:  I wish I could find the original artist for the American Gothic – zombie edition.  Alas, I cannot find it in the mire of the interwebs.  If anyone knows please let me know so I can give proper credit.

 

Awesome. I love Scooby-Doo. LOVE!

Supposedly the original artist is here.

Although the stakes featured prominently lead me to believe that Velma and Scoob are fighting Vampires and Zombies.  Or maybe just monsters of all kinds.  Either way, Velma kicks ass.